party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
