Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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