i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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