can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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