It's Friday. Sex?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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