matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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