TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
