I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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