i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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