PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
