Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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