I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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