sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
