I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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