u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
