help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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