Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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