Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
