Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
