She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize