either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize