you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
