im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
