dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
