He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
