after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
