turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
