i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
