It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
