i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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