I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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