so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
