what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
