Got a toothbrush?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
