There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
