im calling her cock vulture from now on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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