Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
