Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
