The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
