I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
