I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
