Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Randomize
