if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
