My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
