he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
