I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
