He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize