We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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