Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
