look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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