can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
