I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
