Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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