Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
