i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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