you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
