Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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