I'm so fucking centered right now
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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