my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
