Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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