A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Randomize
