According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
