Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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