i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
