If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize