the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
