Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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