I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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