You just made me feel so damn special
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
