I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
