but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
