we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she looked like the before picture.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
