Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
