I just saw a hot homeless man
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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