The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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